Top Tips For Parents of Siblings with SEN

Make time daily for one-on-one moments with each sibling

Siblings value regular time with a parent even if it is only five minutes every day. While planned days out or treats can be great for dedicated sibling time, they need to be seen and heard daily to help them manage the day-to-day issues which crop up when you’re a sibling. 

Talk about additional needs from an early age 

The information required by siblings change over time. A younger child may be happy with simple answers to straightforward questions. An older child may need more time to process and discuss deeper issues. Always respond to requests for information with clear answers, repeating the question back to the sibling to show that you understand the information they need.  

Acknowledge the negative feelings as well as the positive ones 

Siblings need to know that all feelings are OK. It is normal to feel angry, guilty or jealous and they should be encouraged to name these emotions. There should be no shame attached to any feeling, and helping siblings understand their emotions will lead to improved mental health over time. 

Teach siblings fun activities they can do with their brother or sister 

Siblings are experts in knowing what makes their brother or sister laugh so help them to use this skill by encouraging them to play games together. Simple throw and catch games, drawing activities or outdoor play can help them both bond and appreciate each other. 

Give siblings choice about spending time with their brother or sister 

Siblings need time alone and time with their friends. This is normal and shouldn't be seen as a negative, if they opt to not play a game or go somewhere on a family trip. If possible, a sibling’s request to have respite time away from their brother or sister should be respected and accommodated as a valid choice, promoting good mental health and self-care. 

Limit the type and amount of care and support that siblings do 

Siblings very often want to be helpful. They see when parents or carers are struggling and want to step in. Although this is to be applauded, it’s often not the best choice for their wellbeing. Try and avoid relying on the them for regular care and seek external support if you are struggling. 

Take action on issues that affect your siblings’ wellbeing and education 

School can be hard for siblings. The more that pastoral staff know about what life is like at home, the better placed they are to help, so share as much as you can about their home life. Siblings often put their educational needs below the needs of their brothers and sisters. They should be encouraged to prioritise all aspects of their education and academic achievements and see themselves as just as important as their brothers or sisters with additional needs. 

Talk to siblings in the teenage years about plans for the future 

The future is a scary prospect for siblings. How will their brother or sisters’ health and needs change? Will they be expected to care for them? Will this affect their life plans? As much as possible, involve them in family conversations and plans for the future. Simply acknowledging that parents may not have all the answers but will keep talking to you, is hugely helpful to siblings. 

Give siblings permission to enjoy and live their own lives 

A sibling can feel guilty or anxious about living a life which may not necessarily include their brother or sister on a day-to-day  basis. Whilst this is understandable, it’s vital to instil a sense of independence and autonomy in them from an early age. They should be actively encouraged to have friends, interests and their own sense of self to ensure future wellbeing. 

Celebrate siblings’ achievements 

It can be all too easy to  see a sibling’s achievements solely in comparison to their disabled brother or sister. However, when they win a prize, has a great day at school or learns a new skill, it’s important to keep the focus solely on them – whatever they have achieved it’s because they are fantastic, purely because they are themselves.

SEN Sibling Support Pack

For more advice and tips for parents and siblings of neurodivergent children, download our Sibling Support Pack.